I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
