i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
