sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
