I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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