you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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