Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
