what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
3pm strippers are depressing
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
All I want is dick and wine.
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