He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize