unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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