She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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