If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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