Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Randomize
