I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize