Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
