I wish they made helmets for livers.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
