i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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