I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
