i don't plan on having that self control this summer
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
