Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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