I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
