My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
