The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
