I want to stick my p in your. b.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
