is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
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There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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