I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
