lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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