in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
