i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
