i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
