You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize