I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
