Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
