Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
