I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
