dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
