Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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