I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
