You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
