someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
