You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
