When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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