i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
