i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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