You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
