This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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