I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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