there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
