Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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