She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
