the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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