last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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