I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
