The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
