i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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