it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
