I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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