Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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