when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
