Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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