we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
