They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
