i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
