so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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