Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
