Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
