Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
