Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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