I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
