Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
