Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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